Children of Divorce and Self Confidence

Yesterday I picked up one of my younger son's friends from day camp with my son so they could play for the afternoon. This boy is a child of a divorce - he lives with his mother and visits his father. This afternoon with an unfamiliar boy reminded me of how a child's self confidence can be affected by divorce.

For the time that he was with my son and me, everything was perfectly normal. He seemed just like every other kid I've been around. However, at the end of the afternoon when his mother arrived to pick him up, he became somewhat aggressive with my son and very stand-offish with me. It was almost like he was a completely different kid.

I've been around him and his mother in group settings before, so I know she deals with her son appropriately. She's a great mother. However, something was bothering this boy.

His relationship with his father isn't what it should be. As soon as his mother kicked his father out of their house, his father moved in with his girlfriend and her two kids. On each of his weekends with his dad, this boys comes in second to her kids.

When his mother arrived, the group dynamic changed. It was no longer a friend and his dad. It was his mother and him with a man and his son. He became threatened (unconsciously) by the completely reasonable amount of attention his mother was giving to my son and me. I can only imagine how he will react when his mother eventually starts dating.

If his dad knew what his actions were doing to his son, I'm sure he'd be willing to make a small effort to make him feel wanted again. I just wanted to use this story to illustrate just how sensitive our children can be to the changes in their lives and how these changes, if not handled appropriately, can potentially lead to longer-term issues.