Dating After Divorce - Friends First

Divorce can really wreak havoc with children's perception of relationships. They ofter completely lose trust in the permanency of any relationship. When their parents start dating after a divorce, there are even more opportunities to screw up kids' futures - especially with younger children.

One way to help is to ease your children into the idea that you're seeing someone new.

Gently ease them into the new relationship. First, get the kids used to the idea that you're friends. It should be (seem) casual at first - bumping into each other at events and such.

Once your kids become comfortable with the other person, the next step might be to let them know that you're doing something together as friends. After a few of these "meetings." it might be ok to then tell your kids that you're going on a "date."

It's a much healthier message for children to see a parent dating someone they were friends with first than to suddenly see a lover in their parent's life. Hopefully it will be a message the kids will remember when they're old enough to enter the dating world themselves.

Dating After Divorce - It's All About Expectations

I know. Many of you don't even want to think about dating yet. But it will (eventually) happen, no matter how scary it might seem today. If you're able to take a step back emotionally, the idea might be a little easier to deal with. I think one of the most important things to remember when starting to date is having the right expectations.

If you remind yourself that when you start dating, you're not looking for a life partner, it takes a lot of pressure off. When you start dating, you're just going to be meeting people and perhaps spending a little (or a lot of) time with someone. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? But when it comes down to it, dating isn't about tomorrow, nor should it be. It should be about spending quality grown-up time with someone we enjoy being around.

Period.

I think it's natural for someone who is post-divorce to think through their long-term goals, and often they try to fit dating into this box as well. However, the dating world doesn't work that way. Ease in, enjoy the moment, and let things develop if the person is right.