My ex and I share custody of our boys on a bi-weekly schedule. Yesterday was the end of my week with them, and our scheduled switch-off time is 7pm. At 6:00, my oldest son told me that they would need to leave at 6:30 because they had something planned to do starting at 7:00 (I suspect they were going to see Indiana Jones).
It would be easy in this situation to have put my foot down and force them to stay with me until 7:00, however, I feel that it's important to remain cordial and reasonable flexible.
At the same time, their mother is very controlling, and I'm sure she had my son tell me about the change in plans so that I would agree. This can be a slippery slope with her, and I've had to clamp down on this in the past.
This all reminded me about how important it is to be consistent with children during and after a divorce. My boys know that they will be switching homes at 7pm on Sunday. It makes the evening much smoother for all of us, and there's never the question of when they'll be ready.
At the same time, I realize that a little flexibility is necessary when dealing with real-life situations. A hard-and-fast time might look good on paper, but it's important to be able to compromise when it's reasonable -- without opening up the door to being taken advantage of.
My question is, where do you draw the line? What's a reasonable request, and at what point do you say "enough?"
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2 comments:
My ex-husband is always trying to play games with the kids' schedule. I think flexibility with a schedule has to be earned by showing a willingness to stick with it for a while.
Hi Bill,
Thanks for Twittering me. Oh, I've been through all that divorce stuff...I even wrote a book about it in a way (actually, it was about the time, rather than the experience).
Best wishes anyway and pop in to my sites if you wish, there's always some fun going on.
Andrew
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